Itchy Eccentric Gifts

'Why are you scratching yourself?'

What's that? - 'It's a mosquito bite.' - 'Scratch it!' - 'No, I need to buy some cream.' - 'Make it bleed!!!' - 'Gahhh!!!' -

Newt sale

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

"Avant-garde jazz hands"

'Don't you ever knock?'

Dermatology: Journal of Itchcraft.

'Yes, yes, Rupert, you are still a mighty hunter. Now, please bring the turkey back to Luisa in the kitchen.'

'Honey, it's your worms of the month delivery!'

'Dr. Nackschmerz has a very logical mind.' - 'Yes - in contrast to his body.'

"Norman's building a small Hadron Collider."

'It's just until he stops biting himself over there.'

A Macaroni in 1773

Tom Waits.

Hay fever hotline.

"Higher...to the right. Ahhh...that's nice!"

I'm no longer allergic to flowers!

Benjamin Britten.

Drunk artist paints pink elephant.

'I'm not sure this is the best way to get relief from your poison ivy, Bob.'

'The neighbors don't care how you commute, but they're beginning to complain about the noise.'

"Why would a gorgeous young thing like you wanna look fifty, darling?"

"The mosquitoes are coming!"

Understanding the prune.

"Are you finally going to admit that you've run out of things to do now that you're retired?"

'Pepper, anyone?'

"He's a bit OCD with his spaghetti."

"Confirm or deny: while working at home you attempted to trap beaver. . . and skunk."

'You say you got poison ivy in the woods. How can I help you if you don't show me where it itches?'

Christmas phone gloves

"I've got sand everywhere!"

A man with scruffy hair in a hairdressers.