Enchanting Eccentric T-Shirts

Newt sale

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

"Avant-garde jazz hands"

Imagine

Cocktail party with man balancing drink on head as he eats.

The summer of her 39th year, Eleanor could be found most evenings on a hill (known locally as Robert's Hump) doing aerobics of her own devising.

There's a Facebook group for everyone... "Even Toilet Paper Mummies!"

"Personally, I of course loved Uncle Clarence, but Mr. Quibbles wants to say a few things."

"Rob is a functioning train wreck."

It's a good thing our neighbors don't know what weirdos we are.

'Don't you ever knock?'

'He swallowed some of his acrylic paints and now he's artsy fartsy.'

"Who are These People?"

'I know, but he's a genius.'

'Yes, yes, Rupert, you are still a mighty hunter. Now, please bring the turkey back to Luisa in the kitchen.'

The Criminally Insane Gourmet.

Annoying xylophone solicitors.

"Why don't other people ever do this?"

'This elusive self-portrait of the artist is perhaps his most famous work. It was purchased, by the museum, for one hundred and ninety million dollars and is now valued at 900 million dollars...'

Human and alien exchange sex toys.

"You there - shoo!"

'Did you ever wonder why iced coffee is goof but cold coffee isn't? . . . You're not curious like I am.'

'To hell with the rules.'

"Why can't you just read in bed?"

Man talking to a tree.

Tom Waits.

Clown escaping a shipwreck on an inflatable unicycle.

A Macaroni in 1773

"Ok, here he comes, remember the story, I've had a bad asthma attack..."

"Oh and, incidentally, Whit, I'm afraid there's room for only one haircut like this around here."

The Water Diviner

'You knew I was a mad scientist when you married me!'

You are what you collect.