Drought Humorist Gifts

'What are you rioting about?' - 'Nothing really, in this drought its the only time I can get the plants watered.'

"This hotel room must be dry. There's a cactus growing out of my suitcase."

Cross-country runners picking up water and spare batteries.

"I love this time of year."

Dr B orge tests his new cow-fart ozone depletion meter.

Hydration

"Ya know, that cork was there for a reason."

'I don't get it. They told me to serve merlot at room temperature.'

"Times are perfect for us masochists!..."

"Find out who's got the licensing rights for this Armageddon thing and get them on the phone - quickly."

Suez Canal Curse

High tide.

"This heat transfer dance had better work. I'm freezing my tail off!"

'I think we're going to have to add another storey downstairs...'

"He is stingy. If he is giving gold it's only because prices have hit rock-bottom..."

'Due to budget cutbacks, we need to get by with less.'

"Hurry up and make a wish. Your cake's in there."

"Is it safe to come out yet?"

"You'll have to have it neat, sir. We're running out of ice."

'And the good news is - we're in deep doo-doo.'

'I swear it wasn't this cold before they invented the wind chill factor.'

Fish: 'WHOA,Gesundheit!' / A Fish has sneezed out all of his scales

"... But, Derek. The travel agent told us not to drink the water!"

'This should shake things up -- I've just found conclusive evidence that global warming is caused by whales!'

"For crying out loud! It’s empty!!"

"Now we know what happens when we overachieve the climate goals."

"Nothing like a snow zombie."

How You Know It's Spring...

Eskimo Breaking Wind

"You're doing that thing again where you're my husband and you're next to me in bed."

Paramedics carrying a man away after his dinner.

'Excuse me, sir, I know you didn't get your bonus, your house is mortgaged to the hilt, you have two kids in college, your employer is facing bankruptcy and . . .'

'Unusual weather for June'

To Antarctica

"OK, now here comes the lava."