Drought Humorist Gifts

'What are you rioting about?' - 'Nothing really, in this drought its the only time I can get the plants watered.'

"This hotel room must be dry. There's a cactus growing out of my suitcase."

Cross-country runners picking up water and spare batteries.

'I don't get it. They told me to serve merlot at room temperature.'

Hydration

"Ya know, that cork was there for a reason."

Dr B orge tests his new cow-fart ozone depletion meter.

"I love this time of year."

High tide.

"Times are perfect for us masochists!..."

'I think we're going to have to add another storey downstairs...'

"This heat transfer dance had better work. I'm freezing my tail off!"

"He is stingy. If he is giving gold it's only because prices have hit rock-bottom..."

"Is it safe to come out yet?"

"You'll have to have it neat, sir. We're running out of ice."

"Hurry up and make a wish. Your cake's in there."

'Due to budget cutbacks, we need to get by with less.'

'I swear it wasn't this cold before they invented the wind chill factor.'

Fish: 'WHOA,Gesundheit!' / A Fish has sneezed out all of his scales

"Nothing like a snow zombie."

"... But, Derek. The travel agent told us not to drink the water!"

Paramedics carrying a man away after his dinner.

How You Know It's Spring...

Eskimo Breaking Wind

'This should shake things up -- I've just found conclusive evidence that global warming is caused by whales!'

"For crying out loud! It’s empty!!"

"Now we know what happens when we overachieve the climate goals."

'Excuse me, sir, I know you didn't get your bonus, your house is mortgaged to the hilt, you have two kids in college, your employer is facing bankruptcy and . . .'

"You're doing that thing again where you're my husband and you're next to me in bed."

'Unusual weather for June'

To Antarctica

"OK, now here comes the lava."

'I'd take that with a pinch of salt if I thought the council could spare any.'