Driving School Humorist Gifts

"The Accelerator."

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

"So, what's gonna be your favorite class?"

'Right, who threw that?' (giant pupil in class).

"I lost my taste for his homework when it came burned on a CD."

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

'School was really exciting today -- they busted up a meth lab in chemistry class.'

Monitor lizard becomes milk monitor.

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

'Ms. Blumter, please get me a copy of Educational Leadership for Dummies.'

"I DO have a note from my doctor...but nobody can read it!"

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

'I think the computer has a crush on me. It asked me to remain after class.'

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"

"Good evening, sir, may I see your drinking licence please?"

'We can't get rid of her - she has tenure.'

'It's in case I need a laugh track.'

'Division is just like addition except you have to use a different button on the calculator.'

"We're having a make up test at school. Can I borrow your mascara?"

'I figured if 1 is good for milk, why not schoolwork, too?'

Welcome to algebra. As freshmen, you are the unknown variable X. After 32 years, I ask myself Y?

"A laser blaster turns pesky little boys into ferns! Now that would be a cool school supply."

'It's a Volksvegan...it runs on vegetable oil!'

"Were you using your mobile?" "How could I possibly? I've had my hands full eating and smoking!"

Mice taking lessons.

'By the second week of instruction all first-graders should be able to count to one.'

Moses comes to Los Angeles.

'Squint your eyes and grit your teeth so I can make sure it's you.'

'Beware of SUV.'

'And what pray tell do I do if the teacher asks me a question?'