Drink Diluter Pillows

"He waters down the drinks AND his tough love advice."

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

Happy Hour

Balancing two espresso martinis

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

God taking iceburgs with ice tongs for his whisky.

'I'm having trouble with my drinking. Arthritis in my elbow.'

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

Bubble Gum Dispenser

"It feels like me against the world but it's actually just the state of Connecticut."

"Darling! We've become armchair socialites."

My first mistake.

"Just for once, why don't we forget the poor and blow the lot down the local tavern?"

"Constant delays and confusion over Brexit are causing the firm huge problems. . ."

"No matter the weather or what's on my plate, I'm here at five. That's discipline."

'How are we supposed to think the unthinkable if we have to drink the drinkable?'

'I'm sorry sir, we have 'diet cola' and 'diet lemonade', but not 'diet blood'.'

"Would you prefer sparkling water, filtered water, tap water or water?"

"May I say, sir, the staff and I just knew you'd see through that Beaujolais."

"And while you're waiting for your drinks can I get you something from the bar?"

'Single or double?'

'Don't drink on an empty head.'

Paradise: Collection of wine

The singles bar...

"I was deadwood but I'm out of a job. I guess I'm driftwood."

"If they gave us lemons, you'd make lemonade, but I'd make limoncello."

The gods drink beer while Zeus throws a thunderbolt.

'I'm having what he's having.'

"India ink, straight."

"When he needs to, Ed can really multitask!"

Acme Instant Muscle Ade Machine

Surface Tension

"And a bag of peanuts."

'Prayer services held in pub' "Same again please..."