Drink Diluter Gifts

"He waters down the drinks AND his tough love advice."

'You wanna play another round?' 'Sure....tender, another round!'

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

Happy Hour

Balancing two espresso martinis

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

God taking iceburgs with ice tongs for his whisky.

'I'm having trouble with my drinking. Arthritis in my elbow.'

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

Bubble Gum Dispenser

"It feels like me against the world but it's actually just the state of Connecticut."

"Darling! We've become armchair socialites."

My first mistake.

'How are we supposed to think the unthinkable if we have to drink the drinkable?'

"No matter the weather or what's on my plate, I'm here at five. That's discipline."

"Constant delays and confusion over Brexit are causing the firm huge problems. . ."

"Just for once, why don't we forget the poor and blow the lot down the local tavern?"

"May I say, sir, the staff and I just knew you'd see through that Beaujolais."

'I'm sorry sir, we have 'diet cola' and 'diet lemonade', but not 'diet blood'.'

"Would you prefer sparkling water, filtered water, tap water or water?"

"And while you're waiting for your drinks can I get you something from the bar?"

'Don't drink on an empty head.'

'Single or double?'

"I was deadwood but I'm out of a job. I guess I'm driftwood."

Paradise: Collection of wine

The singles bar...

"When he needs to, Ed can really multitask!"

'I'm having what he's having.'

"If they gave us lemons, you'd make lemonade, but I'd make limoncello."

"India ink, straight."

Acme Instant Muscle Ade Machine

The gods drink beer while Zeus throws a thunderbolt.

Surface Tension

"And a bag of peanuts."