Draught Drinker Gifts

"Darling! We've become armchair socialites."

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

Happy Hour

Sweep the board.

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'

'You know what they say...live fast, die young and leave a great fossil.'

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

"Another flue shot, Larry.

"Quick, I need a drink. Someone just called me Ma'am."

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

"In addition to the regular menu, today's specials are . . ."

'I'm having trouble with my drinking. Arthritis in my elbow.'

"Scientists may need a trillion dollar atom smasher to explore the fundamental questions of the universe, but all you need is one too many."

Wine Tasting and Wine Guzzling

'The King of what?'

"Their wedding registry has 8 place settings of double wall, stainless steel water bottles."

'The guy at the end of the bar, would like to know if he can get you to buy him another drink?'

"Good evening, sir, may I see your drinking licence please?"

"Hard day at the office Dear? You're swigging the Balsamic Vinegar."

Whiskey wars

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

Things to do while you're stuck at home during the coronavirus crisis.

Rabbit Punch

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

My first mistake.

"Sad but true - my career ladder turned out to be a career footstool."

'Bottled water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!'

"Just for once, why don't we forget the poor and blow the lot down the local tavern?"

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

"There! Now let's hear no more noise about wanting a glass of water!"

Sharing Drinks.

Scotch and soda on a drip.