Drink Detractor Pillows

'How are we supposed to think the unthinkable if we have to drink the drinkable?'

'I'm having trouble with my drinking. Arthritis in my elbow.'

"You know why they make these straws so big? It's a scam to make you drink fast so you can finish quicker and order more."

"Darling! We've become armchair socialites."

'Yes, Dear, they are very pretty shoes!'

"Just for once, why don't we forget the poor and blow the lot down the local tavern?"

"Time! Ladies and gentlemen please, for yet another probe into the brewing industry"

"May I say, sir, the staff and I just knew you'd see through that Beaujolais."

"I was deadwood but I'm out of a job. I guess I'm driftwood."

'Don't drink on an empty head.'

Noise machines for dogs.

"Most men have a tankard, but oh no, not you."

'I'm having what he's having.'

"From the gentleman at the end of the bar."

'I believe in living life to the fullest.'

4 Reasons for Procrastination

'I wonder if anyone will miss me after I'm gone?' 'Would you like to pay your bar tab now?'

Ancient Torture Device

'Every dog has his day - But the nights belong to us.'

'Ol' Zeke across the mountain's been stealing all my business with his new low-carb moonshine!'

I don't know what to order. So many choices. It can be a little intimidating. What's the difference between the pumpkin-ginseng latte and the ginseng-pumpkin latte? Oh, well

Drinking Together on Social Media

'I'm hoping that alcohol is the answer.'

"hey fans! im at bat,. btm 9th, bases loaded, score tied--oops, jst got called strike1!"

Supermarket Self Service Checkout

'FOCUS, people, FOCUS!'

I Love You, Man! Dude, that's just the catnip talking.

Rip Van Winkle shouldn't have switched to that new gourmet ultra-decaffeinated coffee.

'After you. So courteous, he always lets me in first, so I have to buy the first round.'

No Texting! Don't Even Think About It!

"These nuts are fabulous. Eat about six bowls and the price of the drink begins to make sense."

"What?"

'Holly? Are you listening?'

"He waters down the drinks AND his tough love advice."

'I didn't get your message because I'm letting my voice mailbox fill up.'