Drink And Joke Pillows

Very drunk professional cyclist

Bar: Now serving 24 hours - 'I want to get as wasted as you look.'

'We are now entering sombre hour, happy hour has finished.'

Holiday Gifts 2020

". . . so a duck walks into a . . ."

"Not too much off my back."

"He left with two other slices of bread, turkey, bacon, lettuce and toothpicks. I think they went clubbing."

Drunken hamster at the bar says to the Easter Bunny: 'You got lucky, Bunny. Things could've been so different for the Harvest Festival Hamster.'

IV Bags: Main and Afters

'What is this, some kind of joke?'

Do not allow your owner to foul the footpath.

"I hear alcohol slows reactions..."

Dear Bertha - I'd write more often, but I always seem to be out of ink! Love, Oggy

'Don't worry about it, nurse. Mr. Jones is one of my private patients.'

I drink to forget... which can take for-freakin'-ever when you're an elephant!'

"Actually, I'm from New Jersey. The nickname comes from thirty years in the textile business."

'Will the lady be coming back, Sir? She hasn't finished her drink.'

"A tax inspector dies and ends up in hell.... Than't's the funniest joke I've heard all night."

Seltzer paste.

'Stout has a white head on top.' 'To show you which end to drink first.'

'Look, I don't want any funny business.'

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

"Do you think terrorists could ever poison the vodka supply?"

'Oi, you lot, I don't want any funny business.'

"Let's go have some fun."

A drunk man being told to get up out of the gutter by a policeman

'My leprechaun friend just told me about that guy over there who is talking to an invisible rabbit. Ridiculous, eh?'

'Care to step outside and repeat that buddy...or are you some kind of pussy?!'

'He wouldn't need to walk for exercise, if he had a tail to wag.'

Joe's Bar - Not responsible for drunks left over 24 hours.