Alcohol Joke Fan Pillows

Seltzer paste.

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

The Brothers Grime

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

Beer Parasol.

'Joe has been partying hard!'

"My favorite part of the story was when Prince Charming kissed Sleeping Beauty and she totally rebooted."

"I fell to the ground from a height of about two metres when I was born: My very first stunt!"

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

"Well, you were late and her boyfriend didn't turn up for their wedding, so....."

"I'm you from the future! Or the past. I've completely lost track of time."

The bird feeder.

'All she said was something about having rice for dinner and then poof!. . . She's gone!'

"Fish finder."

"It worked as you said Mum! I yelled 'LICE' as soon as the lion approached and he stopped in his tracks to scratch his mane while I escaped!"

'Anyone else want to get up and leave before the game is over?'

'It will be a difficult adjustment, but it doesn't mean you can't still live a full and rewarding life, say, in the library, or even a miniature golf course.'

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

'Bob, wait!!! Nice try, bear.'

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

"Mom, are you sure I'm not adopted?"

Presidential surveillance ass!"

"Can you keep a secret?"

"So! When's the big day?"

"Buster, run this past legal."

'Not only didn't he turn into a prince, but he gave me these awful warts!'

Welcome to your new English Class.