Drinking Joke Collector Pillows

I drink to forget... which can take for-freakin'-ever when you're an elephant!'

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

The Rooster Comedian.

'Bert's dog training.'

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

"Eat me"

Cake Free Zone

Suffering from Cooties?

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

Useless add-ons.

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

A 'Falling Rock' and a 'Deer Crossing' zone.

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

'Amscray,fuzzbrain - no carnivores allowed

Irritable trowel syndrome.

"They're not Levi Strauss - they're not Levi Tate."

"I know my drinking limits.The problem is that I can never reach them - I simply fall down."

"Fantastic! Do you realize what we've just stumbled upon? It's the fabled Lost Glove Compartment of the Ancient Astronauts!"

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'