Drink And Joke Mugs

Very drunk professional cyclist

Bar: Now serving 24 hours - 'I want to get as wasted as you look.'

"Look at Ernie. He's so tipsy, he's walking face forward."

'We are now entering sombre hour, happy hour has finished.'

Holiday Gifts 2020

". . . so a duck walks into a . . ."

"He left with two other slices of bread, turkey, bacon, lettuce and toothpicks. I think they went clubbing."

"Not too much off my back."

IV Bags: Main and Afters

Rudolph Red Light District

Drunken hamster at the bar says to the Easter Bunny: 'You got lucky, Bunny. Things could've been so different for the Harvest Festival Hamster.'

'What is this, some kind of joke?'

Do not allow your owner to foul the footpath.

'Don't worry about it, nurse. Mr. Jones is one of my private patients.'

Dear Bertha - I'd write more often, but I always seem to be out of ink! Love, Oggy

"I hear alcohol slows reactions..."

I drink to forget... which can take for-freakin'-ever when you're an elephant!'

"Actually, I'm from New Jersey. The nickname comes from thirty years in the textile business."

'Will the lady be coming back, Sir? She hasn't finished her drink.'

Roger lands a recording contract after a ham sandwich gets stuck in his windpipe.

"A tax inspector dies and ends up in hell.... Than't's the funniest joke I've heard all night."

'Stout has a white head on top.' 'To show you which end to drink first.'

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

"We need someone with experience operating a wrecking ball. Huffing and puffing and blowing buildings down is pretty much an outdated skill these days."

Seltzer paste.

'Look, I don't want any funny business.'

"Do you think terrorists could ever poison the vodka supply?"

'Oi, you lot, I don't want any funny business.'

'My leprechaun friend just told me about that guy over there who is talking to an invisible rabbit. Ridiculous, eh?'

A drunk man being told to get up out of the gutter by a policeman

29. Ah, cheer up, you're not always the lowest common denominator.

Don't confuse me with justice, counselor. Justice is blind. I'm just blind drunk.

'Care to step outside and repeat that buddy...or are you some kind of pussy?!'

Joe's Bar - Not responsible for drunks left over 24 hours.

'He wouldn't need to walk for exercise, if he had a tail to wag.'