Drama Dilettante Gifts

"Aeschylus is good, I suppose, but I go to the theatre to relax."

'If you must give me withering glances, could you focus on me and spare the plants?'

You're telling me not to choose sides between Google and Apple. Precisely. Computer Villa. Stay neutral. Continue to support both companies. Emotionally. Right. By buying as much as you can from both companies. Doesn't that only benefit you? Heretic. Absolve yourself by upgrading your phone! Computer Villa.

"Well - I've either bought a pack of table napkins, or adopted a Siberian tiger cub..."

'What we need is a decision, not more foot-dragging.'

"...I try to communicate with Desmond, but all he ever does is grunt."

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

"You've called tech-support so often that it was decided that it's more practical if I just come and live with you."

Can you mumble, mumble mumble? You're mumbling. What are you saying? I'm asking for your mumble, mumble. You're asking for my help? I can't get the word out. Can I get a little mumble? Mumble.

"Go ahead. Click on 'I Am Not A Robot.' I dare you."

"I asked a designer to come in and give the office a needed pick-me-up...probably should have been a little more specific."

'You know me, I'm a problem solver. I listen. I flirt with understanding. I move on.'

The Internet - Now available in bookstores

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

Turn around at the next junction, turn around now! Turn around immediately - you've forgotten your handbags!

"You told me to make a desktop shortcut, so I did. Just take the shortcut I made through the mess."

'I'm trying to figure out online shopping. I've found some pants I like, but I can't find a fitting room.'

'Since we modified your daughter's digital cellular structure, she's experienced a lot of ringing in her ears. If you need me to check her status, I'll be on call.'

'Should I buy or sell?'

"It's called a mobile... but I've been here an hour and have yet to see it move."

'Erm...I ordered the omlette!'

"Past performance is no guarantee of future results."

"Lost all track fo time with you. 93 unread messages!"

'We've considered every potential risk except the risks of avoiding all risks.'

"I'd text you, but I haven't learnt to spell yet."

They used a scientific method to decide which new product idea to pursue.

"The job stress was already bad enough, but now I have to choose between 56 flavors of coffee."

"You know who's a big pain in the a*s? Europe."

I'm beginning to realize you can't cram 10 gigabytes of information into a one-gigabyte brain.

Sitting Out the Lambada

"Go ahead. Don't think of it as plagiarism, think of it as an homage."

One Way/Two Ways.

'Excuse me - Which way is Southwestern North Carolina?'

"What's my password? Oh yeah... 'OnCe upona thimeh.'"

Entomology Reference: Bees, wasps, drones.