Creative Dilettante Gifts

"Go ahead. Don't think of it as plagiarism, think of it as an homage."

You're telling me not to choose sides between Google and Apple. Precisely. Computer Villa. Stay neutral. Continue to support both companies. Emotionally. Right. By buying as much as you can from both companies. Doesn't that only benefit you? Heretic. Absolve yourself by upgrading your phone! Computer Villa.

Garlic Free Zone.

"Well - I've either bought a pack of table napkins, or adopted a Siberian tiger cub..."

'What we need is a decision, not more foot-dragging.'

'We're not at home, Stu. You can't just order 'I don't care'.'

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

'House wine?'

"You've called tech-support so often that it was decided that it's more practical if I just come and live with you."

"Go ahead. Click on 'I Am Not A Robot.' I dare you."

"I asked a designer to come in and give the office a needed pick-me-up...probably should have been a little more specific."

Mrs. H.G.Wells.

'You know me, I'm a problem solver. I listen. I flirt with understanding. I move on.'

The Internet - Now available in bookstores

"You told me to make a desktop shortcut, so I did. Just take the shortcut I made through the mess."

Turn around at the next junction, turn around now! Turn around immediately - you've forgotten your handbags!

'I'm trying to figure out online shopping. I've found some pants I like, but I can't find a fitting room.'

"Lost all track fo time with you. 93 unread messages!"

"It's called a mobile... but I've been here an hour and have yet to see it move."

"Would you prefer sparkling water, filtered water, tap water or water?"

'Should I buy or sell?'

'Since we modified your daughter's digital cellular structure, she's experienced a lot of ringing in her ears. If you need me to check her status, I'll be on call.'

'We've considered every potential risk except the risks of avoiding all risks.'

"I'd text you, but I haven't learnt to spell yet."

They used a scientific method to decide which new product idea to pursue.

"My husband is ambidextrous....completely useless with either hand!"

"'Scuse me, Officer, but where do the elite meet to eat around here?"

The singles bar...

Sitting Out the Lambada

I'm beginning to realize you can't cram 10 gigabytes of information into a one-gigabyte brain.

"The job stress was already bad enough, but now I have to choose between 56 flavors of coffee."

One Way/Two Ways.

"I don't care what his name was. When I said I needed a Philips head, I meant a screwdriver you idiot!"

'Excuse me - Which way is Southwestern North Carolina?'