Doorkeeper Dramatist Gifts

"For God's sake, Felton, would you stop with that 'He-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-ere's So-and-So'?"

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"I didn't spark joy."

Housewife feeding her washing machine with a brief.

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

"It's a smart hamper that sucks up clothes. My mom claims I leave my clothes on the floor, so she has it follow me wherever I go."

Things my vacuum likes to suck up

Musical Accompaniment to Household Chores.

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

'It comes with three settings. Single, Married, and Children.'

"Next time don't use a herbed vinegar."

"The UWS association for the advancement of A.I."

"Have you been using 'Vanish' again?"

Bathroom Fairy

Cook and her Maids

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

'It started out as just a little knot on the floor,'

"Like you, I was lost...then I found Jesus!"

During his financial report to the board of directors, Ted hits the poignancy button by mistake.

'You only said to bring home a feather duster. You never said what kind.'

Upper West Side Story

TV and cleaner

"And it comes with a coin filter for when you vacuum under the cushions."

"...when you're through in there, my kids room could use a demonstration too."

"I spent the whole day cleaning the house. My cleaning lady comes tomorrow and I didn't want her seeing things like that!"

"Since we installed the video surveillance system we're losing fewer socks."

Clearing the castle's moat.

"And this latest robot vacuum can fetch a glass of wine while it cleans your floors!"

"Less hair doesn't mean less work!"

"Look at the state of this place! Don't you ever use that thing to sweep up?!"

"Did I hear you use the phrase 'Earn my keep'?"

New York Scatological Society

Cook being told what to do by housemaid