Bedroom Dramatist Gifts

Performance In The Bedroom

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

A man taking a bow

"I'd like you to be the co-star in the melodrama that is life."

'Hard to follow...'

The Perfect Foil

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

During his financial report to the board of directors, Ted hits the poignancy button by mistake.

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

"Impartiality becomes you."

'In this next precedent, an attorney lost his frivolous lawsuit complaint and his opponent then filed a frivolous 'frivolous lawsuit' lawsuit.'

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

'...and could you refill the vinegar - Genius here thinks it's the wine.'

A Lawyer's Closing Arguments Wins the Support of the Jury

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

'Lovely soup, just like my mother used to open.'

On the seventh day the ideation got a little heated.

'What's this? You're suing me because the prescribed medication made you 'irrationally exuberant' in a down market?'

"Let me give you the Heimlich. That always gets the waiter's attention."

'Never mind four out of five doctors.. what do four out of five LAWYERS recommend?'

"We can't put you in a Witness-Protection Program unless you actually witnessed something."

Bed Fellow

'After you with the camouflage.'

'Don't panic, folks! It's red ink, not blood!

"Well, it's another brand-new day. What do you say to getting up and looking the damn thing straight in the eye?"

Closing arguments.

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

"NAY!!"

The Sex life of a Driving Test Examiner, "Thank you. I will not ask you to perform that manoeuvre again."

'Now, then -- would you prefer a speedy trial or an accurate trial.'

'Gravity wins - again.'