Bedroom Performer Gifts

"This next song is for all the music teachers who said I'd never make it."

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

"Most of the time it's 'Me Tarzan, you Jane', until we get into the bedroom. Then he's all, 'You Tarzan, Me Jane'."

Tedious Romantic.

"Hold on... did you mean to hit Snooze or Jazz?"

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

'Inside Ralph is a comedienne crying to get out.'

' I said, you WIN, I'll pay your dorm rent!!!'

Performance In The Bedroom

"How many verses of 'Froggie Went A-Courting' are there, Jay, before your pill kicks in?"

'You've been faking it, haven't you?'

"Abra-Viagra."

The Sex life of a Driving Test Examiner, "Thank you. I will not ask you to perform that manoeuvre again."

'The rivalry at the pony club is getting out of hand.'

"Why can't you just read in bed?"

101 Positions/101 Excuses

Musician sings off key while his dog can only watch,his jaws strapped together

Time stood still – which made it an easy target.

S&M Lovers, "Not tonight dear... I haven't got a headache."

"And just like that, Greg's snoring stopped..."

Harpist using her bed frame as a harp.

'I guess you two won't be reading the Kama Sutra again.'

Colin's GPS was to prove useless at finding Maureen's 'G' spot.

"Next time, Id' like the director's cut."

'Don't hurt it.'

'Paradise awaits pauline Norris' man in bed with a mask on

New Karma Sutra: No.1 The Begging Position.

Selfish man stealing the duvet.

"Bloody hell Mavis, the earth DID move!"

"Wash and Quo"

"Two minute warning..."

"I enjoy role-playing, but do we really need the dramaturge?"

'She's my sex therapist.'

"Wow! I think you just moved up in the playoffs, Tom!"