Bedroom Actor Gifts

"I enjoy role-playing, but do we really need the dramaturge?"

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

"Most of the time it's 'Me Tarzan, you Jane', until we get into the bedroom. Then he's all, 'You Tarzan, Me Jane'."

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

Tedious Romantic.

' I said, you WIN, I'll pay your dorm rent!!!'

Performance In The Bedroom

'You've been faking it, haven't you?'

'We'll take it!'

"They're exactly the same, except in Hell you have to put on your own duvet cover."

"Well, it's another brand-new day. What do you say to getting up and looking the damn thing straight in the eye?"

Bed Fellow

The Sex life of a Driving Test Examiner, "Thank you. I will not ask you to perform that manoeuvre again."

'Gravity wins - again.'

'The rivalry at the pony club is getting out of hand.'

'Sir! We're all doomed! It's a fitted sheet! How can we ever hope to stop something we can't even fold?!'

'As you wish Santa. But if we allow them to share our bed only once, be prepared to put up with them every night!'

"This next song is for all the music teachers who said I'd never make it."

S&M Lovers, "Not tonight dear... I haven't got a headache."

101 Positions/101 Excuses

'My member requires some interest.'

Musician sings off key while his dog can only watch,his jaws strapped together

"Normally I wouldn't take any notice of all these ads on how to improve my performance in the bedroom..."

"And just like that, Greg's snoring stopped..."

Harpist using her bed frame as a harp.

"Is there room for me?"

'I guess you two won't be reading the Kama Sutra again.'

"That' was great - let's run though that again."

"Next time, Id' like the director's cut."

Colin's GPS was to prove useless at finding Maureen's 'G' spot.

'Don't hurt it.'

'Paradise awaits pauline Norris' man in bed with a mask on

"It was meant as a compliment. In my eyes, you're a real pig."