Bedroom Athlete Gifts

"Why can't I ever meet a man with a bad back?"

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

"I think I need an extra pillow."

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

"Most of the time it's 'Me Tarzan, you Jane', until we get into the bedroom. Then he's all, 'You Tarzan, Me Jane'."

Tedious Romantic.

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

' I said, you WIN, I'll pay your dorm rent!!!'

"How many verses of 'Froggie Went A-Courting' are there, Jay, before your pill kicks in?"

"I think I might go outside. My fresh air app is glitchy today."

'You've been faking it, haven't you?'

'Know any other bed-time tricks?'

Biting Slippers.

"They're exactly the same, except in Hell you have to put on your own duvet cover."

'We'll take it!'

'The rivalry at the pony club is getting out of hand.'

'Sir! We're all doomed! It's a fitted sheet! How can we ever hope to stop something we can't even fold?!'

"This next song is for all the music teachers who said I'd never make it."

"Normally I wouldn't take any notice of all these ads on how to improve my performance in the bedroom..."

Harpist using her bed frame as a harp.

"To quote my broker, 'Past results are no guarantee of future performance.'"

Time stood still – which made it an easy target.

Musician sings off key while his dog can only watch,his jaws strapped together

S&M Lovers, "Not tonight dear... I haven't got a headache."

'I guess you two won't be reading the Kama Sutra again.'

Colin's GPS was to prove useless at finding Maureen's 'G' spot.

A dog locks a man out and sleeps in his bed.

"Wow! I think you just moved up in the playoffs, Tom!"

"I enjoy role-playing, but do we really need the dramaturge?"

A couple look at a graph on their bed

'Your performance in bed?...On technical merit of artistic impression?'

Woman with a 'Teach yourself better sex' book has put man in the corner with a dunce haton

'Here's one I wrote to cover the sound of my wife's voice telling me nobody is going to pay to hear my songs.'

'He's always wanted an adjustamatic.'

'And now...thanks to...the blue pill...a triple lutz.'