Bedroom Warrior Gifts

'Sir! We're all doomed! It's a fitted sheet! How can we ever hope to stop something we can't even fold?!'

"I think I need an extra pillow."

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

"Most of the time it's 'Me Tarzan, you Jane', until we get into the bedroom. Then he's all, 'You Tarzan, Me Jane'."

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

"Not tonight, Jon. I have to clean for the cleaning lady."

"I think I might go outside. My fresh air app is glitchy today."

'You've been faking it, haven't you?'

'We'll take it!'

"Well, it's another brand-new day. What do you say to getting up and looking the damn thing straight in the eye?"

Whack-A-Chore: "You play it all day, every day, until you can't anymore."

"They're exactly the same, except in Hell you have to put on your own duvet cover."

Biting Slippers.

Time stood still – which made it an easy target.

"Normally I wouldn't take any notice of all these ads on how to improve my performance in the bedroom..."

S&M Lovers, "Not tonight dear... I haven't got a headache."

The Eternal Battle Over Who Is More Tired

'I guess you two won't be reading the Kama Sutra again.'

Colin's GPS was to prove useless at finding Maureen's 'G' spot.

'I don't know how I got rid of mildew before Henry got me the flamethrower.'

A dog locks a man out and sleeps in his bed.

'You're lucky. Some people don't look good wearing dirt.'

"Wow! I think you just moved up in the playoffs, Tom!"

A couple look at a graph on their bed

"I enjoy role-playing, but do we really need the dramaturge?"

'OK, the bedspread doesn't do it for you. What's your formula for arousal?'

'All clear!'

Why you must get up.

Woman with a 'Teach yourself better sex' book has put man in the corner with a dunce haton

'He's always wanted an adjustamatic.'

"Where's the magic gone, Harold?"

"I'm not a ghost - I just died changing the duvet cover..."