Bedroom Warrior Gifts

'Sir! We're all doomed! It's a fitted sheet! How can we ever hope to stop something we can't even fold?!'

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

"I think I need an extra pillow."

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

"Most of the time it's 'Me Tarzan, you Jane', until we get into the bedroom. Then he's all, 'You Tarzan, Me Jane'."

"Not tonight, Jon. I have to clean for the cleaning lady."

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

"I think I might go outside. My fresh air app is glitchy today."

"Whoa! One last doughnut left."

'You've been faking it, haven't you?'

"Well, it's another brand-new day. What do you say to getting up and looking the damn thing straight in the eye?"

'We'll take it!'

"They're exactly the same, except in Hell you have to put on your own duvet cover."

Biting Slippers.

Whack-A-Chore: "You play it all day, every day, until you can't anymore."

"Normally I wouldn't take any notice of all these ads on how to improve my performance in the bedroom..."

Time stood still – which made it an easy target.

S&M Lovers, "Not tonight dear... I haven't got a headache."

The Eternal Battle Over Who Is More Tired

'I guess you two won't be reading the Kama Sutra again.'

Colin's GPS was to prove useless at finding Maureen's 'G' spot.

'Don't hurt it.'

'I don't know how I got rid of mildew before Henry got me the flamethrower.'

A dog locks a man out and sleeps in his bed.

I can't believe you're still hogging the sheets.

A couple look at a graph on their bed

'You're lucky. Some people don't look good wearing dirt.'

'OK, the bedspread doesn't do it for you. What's your formula for arousal?'

"I enjoy role-playing, but do we really need the dramaturge?"

"Wow! I think you just moved up in the playoffs, Tom!"

'All clear!'

Why you must get up.

Woman with a 'Teach yourself better sex' book has put man in the corner with a dunce haton

'He's always wanted an adjustamatic.'

Bed Boxing Ring.