Bathroom Warrior Gifts

'All clear!'

'I don't know how I got rid of mildew before Henry got me the flamethrower.'

'Mrs Golcz, put the gun down, Mr, Golcz put the toilet seat down and everybody stays healthy,'

'We're having a bit of a problem with the drainage in our bathroom. . .How soon can you get somebody out to us?. . .Have you got anything earlier than Tuesday?'

'That's her second pitcher and she doesn't even like beer - I guess she just likes to pee.'

The Tragedy of Prosperity

Odysseus returns to the Laundromat

Those missing socks...where do they go?

I've got a new theory, Randy, and it's going to shock the world. Why? Because it's pretty much irrefutable. You know how when you're in the bathroom, it feels like five minutes have passed … but to those waiting to use it, it feels like forever? Yes … And you know how when you're at the event horizon of a black hole, five minutes to you actually is forever to the rest of the universe? ... I think we'd better alert Neil Degrasse Tyson. I call it the Time Toilation Theory.

"I guess it's too late to warn you that I turned off the hot water."

"Looks like Billy clogged up the toilet again."

'The marriage counselor didn't save our marriage. The plumber and the second bathroom saved our marriage.'

"Hey Rudy, you've been in there for over an hour. You OK in there?" "I think I'm dying here." "What? D'you need me to call 911?" "I don't think that'll help." "I just need to build more pikemen and cavalry and buy a defense boost before the enemy's march reaches my city." "Get off your phone!!!" "I'm saving a kingdom here! It's important!"

'Sir! We're all doomed! It's a fitted sheet! How can we ever hope to stop something we can't even fold?!'

"Laundry or composting?"

'How damp is this place? Let me put it this way: I use mold and mildew remover as a skin care product.'

Female sock walks away from male sock, saying: 'Look, it's just a trial separation, OK?'

'Why can't you be like other men and just sing in the bath?'

"I. . . hate . . . bath day."

Medusa's bathtub

"We're never going to be able to give Moses a bath, are we?"

"Travel the dark corridor over shoe mountain. Avoid the couch ogre lest he steal your soul. The third door is the bathroom you seek."

'Have you considered a second bathroom?'

"For the last time-empty your pockets before you put your robe in the wash."

"Some of your lost socks were clogging up the motor."

'It's perfect! An indoor bathroom! How did you know?'

Do you know why the kitchen ceiling is dripping?

"I'll need a sticker per sock."

"I'm having an en-suite put in."

If Women Ran Hell...

'This bathroom ain't big enough for the both of us.'

'The snake and plunger didn't work, so I'm going in...'

This toilet is thoroughly cleaned once a week. Sadly it's tomorrow.

Windscreen wiper on mirror to clean mess from youth squeezing spots

'It has three bathrooms and not one set of scales.'