Courtroom Dramatist Gifts

"Did you or did you not employ a leash to drag your cairn terrier, Jack, away from the corner of Park Avenue and Sixty-fifth Street in spite of his making every effort to clearly indicate to you that he wished to stay where he was?"

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

"The Court will allow the cape but will draw the line at the wind machine."

'Something about this court makes me uneasy.'

Closing arguments.

"Your Honor, it would be a hardship for me to sit on a long, non-celebrity trial.

'I realize that hearsay evidence isn't admissible by the court, Your Honor, but you're going to love this!'

'Next time the prosecutor shows you pictures of the crime scene, try not to blurt out, ‘Been there, done that.''

"I took aim, pulled the trigger, and then, suddenly, shots rang out."

'Is that your plea...to err is human?'

'Your honor, my client feels you should recuse yourself as he is a cat person.'

"Don't get cute with me, counsellor."

'There you go, bringing up the PAST again!'

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

"And, what's more, the jury was packed with ungulates."

Automatic Arbitration

'Now, then -- would you prefer a speedy trial or an accurate trial.'

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

'We've agreed to divide your community property 50-50...50% for your wife and 50% for her attorney.'

"Guilty on all counts, Your Honor. However, with more attention to character development, pacing and tone, we're confident the defense will find a much wider audience and a winning verdict in the appeal phase!"

"I had ethical momentum, but I was unable to sustain it."

"I didn't want it to come to this. Launch the lawyers."

'You honor, I'd like to tell my client's life story with the accompaniment of a string quartet.'

'Who represents you is your choice, but are you sure that 'Mr Socky' understands the process here?'

A Lawyer's Closing Arguments Wins the Support of the Jury

'There's nothing unconstitutional about descriminating against bank robbers!'

"Maybe this wouldn't happen if you didn't allow the trial to drag on so long."

'Louise Fisher dropped by. You handled her paternity suit so well that she decided to get pregnant again.'

"If I tag some fan with a foul ball, does the team lawyer have my back?"

"Normally, ladies and gentlemen of the jury. These closing arguments would be filled with impassioned pleading, determined advocacy and a certain amount of histrionics, but this is a pro bono case."

'Your honor,does this look like the face of a killer?'

'What I'm about to suggest, your honor, will take thought, a bit of imagination, and yes, creativity.'

'We're eleven to one. May we borrow the murder weapon?'

'Bob, call you back. I've got a major decision that can't wait.'

Dreary counsel sending the judge and jury to sleep