Legal Dramatist Gifts

'You are in court today, so I've got to take you into make up.'

Southwark Fair.

Jean-Paul Sartre

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

Canned laughter for sale in Theatrical Supplies shop.

Jack-a-box in the theatre.

Comedy and tragedy masks

A man taking a bow

'The classic masks of Comedy and Tragedy, or as they're now known, emoticons.'

We Will Beat Any Genuine Quote...

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

"Leon, honey, you break all the rules of dramaturgy."

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

'Shakespeare, what do you say we write a comedy?'

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

'I haven't spent a day in jail since I got rid of my lawyer and hired a spinmeister.'

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

'Way too much information on your resume.'

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

'In this next precedent, an attorney lost his frivolous lawsuit complaint and his opponent then filed a frivolous 'frivolous lawsuit' lawsuit.'

James Barrie.

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

The Modern Godot

John Masefield.

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

'Shakespeare's Hamlet word for word - and I who always thought it was a crazy joke.'

Eugene Ionesco

"Impartiality becomes you."

"We, the jury, find the defendant."

"You don't have to answer that."