Defense Dramatist Gifts

'My client woulkd like to change his 'Mea Culpa' to ' Was I really that bad?''

'My client's defense is that the bank was an attractive nuisance.'

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

A man taking a bow

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

'Look Chaucer, there goes that rotten plagiarist Shakespeare again!'

"Less hair doesn't mean less work!"

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

"Impartiality becomes you."

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

'In this next precedent, an attorney lost his frivolous lawsuit complaint and his opponent then filed a frivolous 'frivolous lawsuit' lawsuit.'

'You are in court today, so I've got to take you into make up.'

A Lawyer's Closing Arguments Wins the Support of the Jury

'Never mind four out of five doctors.. what do four out of five LAWYERS recommend?'

'What's this? You're suing me because the prescribed medication made you 'irrationally exuberant' in a down market?'

"We can't put you in a Witness-Protection Program unless you actually witnessed something."

Closing arguments.

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

'Now, then -- would you prefer a speedy trial or an accurate trial.'

"Yes, Your Honor, I'm Mr. Brandon, Mr. Shindelbower's attorney, along with his agent and publicist."

"Did someone just shout 'sinkhole!!!'?"

"It's a profit and loss statement. Read it with gusto!"

"And were you wearing that particular hat on the night of the murder?"

What do overcrowded prisons say about defense lawyers?

"I would like to conduct my own defence, m'lud."

"You're an attorney. Don't stand so upright."

'Why is it when ever we have guests, you have to go and make a scene?'

'Your honor, my client feels you should recuse yourself as he is a cat person.'

"Normally, ladies and gentlemen of the jury. These closing arguments would be filled with impassioned pleading, determined advocacy and a certain amount of histrionics, but this is a pro bono case."

'We're eleven to one. May we borrow the murder weapon?'

Dreary counsel sending the judge and jury to sleep

'Your honor,does this look like the face of a killer?'

Roach Motel