Defense Dramatist Gifts

'My client woulkd like to change his 'Mea Culpa' to ' Was I really that bad?''

'My client's defense is that the bank was an attractive nuisance.'

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

A man taking a bow

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

'Look Chaucer, there goes that rotten plagiarist Shakespeare again!'

"Less hair doesn't mean less work!"

'In this next precedent, an attorney lost his frivolous lawsuit complaint and his opponent then filed a frivolous 'frivolous lawsuit' lawsuit.'

"Impartiality becomes you."

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

'You are in court today, so I've got to take you into make up.'

A Lawyer's Closing Arguments Wins the Support of the Jury

'Never mind four out of five doctors.. what do four out of five LAWYERS recommend?'

"We can't put you in a Witness-Protection Program unless you actually witnessed something."

'What's this? You're suing me because the prescribed medication made you 'irrationally exuberant' in a down market?'

Closing arguments.

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

'Now, then -- would you prefer a speedy trial or an accurate trial.'

'Why is it when ever we have guests, you have to go and make a scene?'

"And were you wearing that particular hat on the night of the murder?"

What do overcrowded prisons say about defense lawyers?

"Did someone just shout 'sinkhole!!!'?"

"You're an attorney. Don't stand so upright."

"Yes, Your Honor, I'm Mr. Brandon, Mr. Shindelbower's attorney, along with his agent and publicist."

"It's a profit and loss statement. Read it with gusto!"

"I would like to conduct my own defence, m'lud."

'Your honor, my client feels you should recuse yourself as he is a cat person.'

"I didn't want it to come to this. Launch the lawyers."

'We're eleven to one. May we borrow the murder weapon?'

"Normally, ladies and gentlemen of the jury. These closing arguments would be filled with impassioned pleading, determined advocacy and a certain amount of histrionics, but this is a pro bono case."

Dreary counsel sending the judge and jury to sleep

'Your honor,does this look like the face of a killer?'