Justice Dramatist Gifts

Judge flipping a coin.

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

A man taking a bow

Henrik Ibsen,

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

"Impartiality becomes you."

'In this next precedent, an attorney lost his frivolous lawsuit complaint and his opponent then filed a frivolous 'frivolous lawsuit' lawsuit.'

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

"We, the jury, find the defendant."

'You are in court today, so I've got to take you into make up.'

A Lawyer's Closing Arguments Wins the Support of the Jury

"We can't put you in a Witness-Protection Program unless you actually witnessed something."

'Never mind four out of five doctors.. what do four out of five LAWYERS recommend?'

'Don't panic, folks! It's red ink, not blood!

'What's this? You're suing me because the prescribed medication made you 'irrationally exuberant' in a down market?'

Closing arguments.

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

'Now, then -- would you prefer a speedy trial or an accurate trial.'

"Did someone just shout 'sinkhole!!!'?"

"Yes, Your Honor, I'm Mr. Brandon, Mr. Shindelbower's attorney, along with his agent and publicist."

Have you ever sued anyone for slander or libel, Randy? Indeed I have, little buddy. It was 1979. Francis Melba stood up in the middle of the cafeteria and accused me - in front of all the other kids - of being "nothing special." So I stood atop my table, ripped my shirt in two, slowly smoothed out my mustache, and then proceeded to flex my pecs, one at a time. HOJ. The sunlight streaming in through the windows scattered off my bouncing pecs like a disco ball. That's when Melba knew he was toast.

"It's a profit and loss statement. Read it with gusto!"

"And were you wearing that particular hat on the night of the murder?"

What do overcrowded prisons say about defense lawyers?

"I would like to conduct my own defence, m'lud."

"You're an attorney. Don't stand so upright."

'Your honor, my client feels you should recuse yourself as he is a cat person.'

'That's it! No more cameras in the courtroom!'

"I didn't want it to come to this. Launch the lawyers."

Dreary counsel sending the judge and jury to sleep

Overruled

'Your honor,does this look like the face of a killer?'