Justice Dramatist Gifts

Judge flipping a coin.

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

A man taking a bow

Henrik Ibsen,

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"We, the jury, find the defendant."

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

"Impartiality becomes you."

'In this next precedent, an attorney lost his frivolous lawsuit complaint and his opponent then filed a frivolous 'frivolous lawsuit' lawsuit.'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

'You are in court today, so I've got to take you into make up.'

A Lawyer's Closing Arguments Wins the Support of the Jury

'Don't panic, folks! It's red ink, not blood!

'Never mind four out of five doctors.. what do four out of five LAWYERS recommend?'

'What's this? You're suing me because the prescribed medication made you 'irrationally exuberant' in a down market?'

"We can't put you in a Witness-Protection Program unless you actually witnessed something."

Closing arguments.

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

'Now, then -- would you prefer a speedy trial or an accurate trial.'

"Yes, Your Honor, I'm Mr. Brandon, Mr. Shindelbower's attorney, along with his agent and publicist."

"It's a profit and loss statement. Read it with gusto!"

"And were you wearing that particular hat on the night of the murder?"

What do overcrowded prisons say about defense lawyers?

"I would like to conduct my own defence, m'lud."

"Did someone just shout 'sinkhole!!!'?"

"You're an attorney. Don't stand so upright."

'Your honor, my client feels you should recuse yourself as he is a cat person.'

'That's it! No more cameras in the courtroom!'

Overruled

Dreary counsel sending the judge and jury to sleep

"Normally, ladies and gentlemen of the jury. These closing arguments would be filled with impassioned pleading, determined advocacy and a certain amount of histrionics, but this is a pro bono case."

'Your honor,does this look like the face of a killer?'