Legal Drama Scholar Gifts

'So I said, if you think this money is counterfeit, prove it.'

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

"Not guilty?"

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

'I haven't spent a day in jail since I got rid of my lawyer and hired a spinmeister.'

"Another slander suit!"

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

'Way too much information on your resume.'

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

'In this next precedent, an attorney lost his frivolous lawsuit complaint and his opponent then filed a frivolous 'frivolous lawsuit' lawsuit.'

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

"Impartiality becomes you."

"We, the jury, find the defendant."

'Do your lawyers have to be here?'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

"You don't have to answer that."

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

'You are in court today, so I've got to take you into make up.'

A Lawyer's Closing Arguments Wins the Support of the Jury

"In my client's defence, the label on the bottle clearly read, 'rat poison'...not 'people poison'."

'What's this? You're suing me because the prescribed medication made you 'irrationally exuberant' in a down market?'

"In a surprising turn of events, the end testifies against the means."

The court freezes my assets and wants me to live on $20K per month? They want me to starve!

'I will not have the species card played in my courtroom, Counselor.'