Courtroom Dramatis Gifts

'Good, we're in time for closing arguments!'

Trial by Media

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

Questions about an old case refuse to go away. . .

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

I love Lawyers

"Now that's a win."

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

Barristers

"Whoa, don't ask constitutional questions you don't want to know the answers to."

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

"You can't plead cute."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'Wow! I never before saw such a strenuous objection.'

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"I felt I could make more of a difference within the system."

"We make crime pay."

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"#notguilty."

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

Yawning barristers in court

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

Sue The Bastards

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."