Courtroom Drama Aficionado Gifts

Crucial testimony in the case of Cinderella vs. the Association of Fairy Godmothers.

"Now take your time, Captain Ahab, and tell the jury if you see that whale in the court room today..."

Innocent bystanders are real tough to convict: 'You saw it happen, why didn't you do anything?'

'Your disgusting behaviour has been almost human in nature!'

"Did you, Larry the Landscaper, ever promise anybody a rose garden?"

"You know something about the law. I like that in an attorney."

"Are you now, or have you ever been."

Barrister startled by a witness' description of him

'Let's start with this: who cried when the prosecutor summed up and who cried when the defense attorney summed up?'

'Surely you don't expect the jury to believe that fairy tale, madam.'

'Good news! The media upheld our acquittal.'

"Okay, these are the documents we need to sue your ex for child support, and if we can convince the court it's not too out off line, to have the words, 'lying, cheating b*****d' tattooed on his forehead."

'I urge the Court to take into consideration the fact that my client only burglarized LOCALi merchants!'

'I call my next witness, who saw the whole thing from outer space.'

'Promise me that this won't go any further?'

'I may be guilty of sexual harassment, but it was pro-choice sexual harassment!'

'I'm letting you off with a warning this time, but if you kill any more street mimes....'

"Well, sir - we were re-creating the murder in the jury room..."

"Do I have to pay the plaintiff the same amount again for each rerun of my case on TV?"

Meanwhile, back at the Kavanaugh Hearings...

"While the jury are out would your client like some sombre music?"

"The next case Your Honor, is a palimony suit. . . the ant vs. the grasshopper."

"We're being laid off. Prisoners will be tried by the media."

Night Court

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

'Build it, and they will sue.'

"Do I have your lordship's permission to treat this witness as hostile?"

'Are you going to believe me, or a bunch of hysterical bank tellers?'

Juvenile Court

Murder trials at the criminal court shown as a theatrical show

Did you do crime? Do you need the crime to be legal? "Better call Brett!"

"Manafort's was the best flip yet."

Guilty!

"My next guest is a charming grifter with a record as long as your arm. Let's give him a big 'Jaws of Justice' welcome."

House with a sign out front reading "Law Office of Renee & Scott - Suing folks since 1983".