Stage Door Keeper Gifts

'I figured if you have to work for a living then why not do it HERE!'

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

Men: Hating chick flicks since 1623.

"Yoo-hoo. Fifteen minutes of fame is about to start."

'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

Macho man body building club.

"Well, that's show business."

Tosca on the balcony

'I'm here in case one of the actors actually does break a leg.'

Janitor sweeping music notes off of concert stage.

'He's a cheat I tell you - it's just a trick!'

Lin-Manuel Miranda

Reason # 23 that doors don't make perfect seal against winter winds: Mischievous unemployed elves.

"I finished my act. Could you come over and give me a hand?"

Sir Joseph Porter, KCB, First Lord of the Admiralty HMS Pinafore

'I suppose technically you're right. But we still prefer not to think of it as a gated community.'

"You rang?"

Sale: All Doors Massively Reduced!

'Today's lesson - how to slam a door.'

Drunken sailor

The Great Out-doors

Visiting the Opera

'I forgot to close the door?...Seriously? Who puts a door on a hole?'

"Mother, please!"

At death's door

"Go on in. You're the first onslaught."

"Actually, I'm just the night manager here."

'I can't believe I locked my keys inside, again!'

Evolving Door.

"I don't care if you are the invisible man, sir, I can't let you in if you're not wearing a tie!"

'Poor Oog -- he invented the door, and locked himself out of his cave.'

Stage Realism

Bob's Apartment

The best way to teach the cat how to read?

'It's a cease and desist order. States that we can't keep anyone out. It's based on the ruling: The more the merrier.'