Doorkeeper Gifts

Visiting the Opera

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"I didn't spark joy."

'They make remarkably clean pets.'

Housewife feeding her washing machine with a brief.

'You'll never believe the day I've had...'

"It's a smart hamper that sucks up clothes. My mom claims I leave my clothes on the floor, so she has it follow me wherever I go."

"I had to skip my workout."

Things my vacuum likes to suck up

Musical Accompaniment to Household Chores.

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

"This is your new solar powered dryer?"

Cook and her Maids

This is the last time I ask Peterson to dust for prints.

"Next time don't use a herbed vinegar."

"The UWS association for the advancement of A.I."

But does he dust anything at our home? Noooo

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

Bathroom Fairy

'It comes with three settings. Single, Married, and Children.'

"Have you been using 'Vanish' again?"

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

'It started out as just a little knot on the floor,'

"Like you, I was lost...then I found Jesus!"

The household cavalry

"Since we installed the video surveillance system we're losing fewer socks."

"I spent the whole day cleaning the house. My cleaning lady comes tomorrow and I didn't want her seeing things like that!"

TV and cleaner

"...when you're through in there, my kids room could use a demonstration too."

Help! (Woman stuck on washing line).

Upper West Side Story

"Billy's room gets cleaned for free! The cleaning service uses it to train employees how to clean a hazardous waste dump."

'You only said to bring home a feather duster. You never said what kind.'

I'm organizing the house. Can I help? Do you have any storage bins for stuff we don't use very often? Hold on. I have just the thing! Thanks, mom.