Delivery Room Dramatist Gifts

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

The Perfect Foil

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

'Hurry up: We've sprung a leak!'

'We'll send you to acting class when you're older. For now, get up and get ready for school.'

During his financial report to the board of directors, Ted hits the poignancy button by mistake.

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

"Less hair doesn't mean less work!"

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

"Impartiality becomes you."

'In this next precedent, an attorney lost his frivolous lawsuit complaint and his opponent then filed a frivolous 'frivolous lawsuit' lawsuit.'

'...and could you refill the vinegar - Genius here thinks it's the wine.'

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

Performance In The Bedroom

An opera singer

A Lawyer's Closing Arguments Wins the Support of the Jury

You heard right - one large cheese pizza, and tell the driver to take it out of the box and leave it in the yard,

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

'What's this? You're suing me because the prescribed medication made you 'irrationally exuberant' in a down market?'

'Lovely soup, just like my mother used to open.'

"Let me give you the Heimlich. That always gets the waiter's attention."

On the seventh day the ideation got a little heated.

'After you with the camouflage.'

'Never mind four out of five doctors.. what do four out of five LAWYERS recommend?'

"We can't put you in a Witness-Protection Program unless you actually witnessed something."

'The tax and tip I understand, but what's this charge for shipping and handling?'

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

Closing arguments.

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

"NAY!!"

'Now, then -- would you prefer a speedy trial or an accurate trial.'

Alarming symptoms after eating boiled beef and gooseberry pie