Door-to-door Storyteller Gifts

The Mormons

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

After chasing the rabbit for many hours, Buster found himself very far from home indeed.

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

'He's great, he can even fetch the paper. Off the neighbour's step.'

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

Pavement Artist

'...in sickness or health, inflation or deflation,marriage tax credit or debit...'

Second-hand Slander and Innuendo £10

'Your barn door's open.'

Spirit of love

'Honey, it's not the Feds. It's the pseudo-feds.'

'You're an estate agent aren't you?'

'Not only do you need a good dish to win on this cooking show, you need a good story!'

'We've travelled tandem all our mrried life!'

Ralph Rackstraw HMS Pinafore

Missing Sock

It was a nice neighborhood untill the A-holes moved in.

"Me, I eat mostly roadkill: it saves me countess hours of hunting and stalking and leaves me time to concentrate on my art. . ."

Larry, working on the great American stick-up note.

'Perhaps this graph will help you appreciate the jagged mountain range I climbed on my vacation.'

'I was warned about online dating.'

"This next song's about our desperate struggle to please and chronic craving for approval. I really, really hope you like it."

'It's a rags-to- riches story. You should take the company tour.'

"Would you like to dance with me?"

Bird Watchers Club of America.

Support your local bookstore

Hadleyville Has-Beens

statue in park: 'Arnold P. Rossiter, a local boy who went to the big city and made it big... and now he's back home, flipping burgers, just like we always said he would.'

"Hello Billy, how is your mother?"

'Let's play house... you can be my ex-husband.'

"It's where I grew up, Diane. A sleepy little town where everybody knows what everybody else is doing, and blogs about it 24/7!"

Jumpin' Jehoshaphat's Witness. (Published previously on March 18, 2008.)

A Showbiz Love Story