Door-to-door Storyteller Pillows

The Mormons

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

After chasing the rabbit for many hours, Buster found himself very far from home indeed.

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

'He's great, he can even fetch the paper. Off the neighbour's step.'

Pavement Artist

'...in sickness or health, inflation or deflation,marriage tax credit or debit...'

Second-hand Slander and Innuendo £10

'Your barn door's open.'

Spirit of love

'Honey, it's not the Feds. It's the pseudo-feds.'

'You're an estate agent aren't you?'

'Not only do you need a good dish to win on this cooking show, you need a good story!'

'We've travelled tandem all our mrried life!'

Ralph Rackstraw HMS Pinafore

Missing Sock

"Me, I eat mostly roadkill: it saves me countess hours of hunting and stalking and leaves me time to concentrate on my art. . ."

'Perhaps this graph will help you appreciate the jagged mountain range I climbed on my vacation.'

Larry, working on the great American stick-up note.

'I was warned about online dating.'

"This next song's about our desperate struggle to please and chronic craving for approval. I really, really hope you like it."

'It's a rags-to- riches story. You should take the company tour.'

"Would you like to dance with me?"

Bird Watchers Club of America.

Support your local bookstore

Hadleyville Has-Beens

statue in park: 'Arnold P. Rossiter, a local boy who went to the big city and made it big... and now he's back home, flipping burgers, just like we always said he would.'

"Hello Billy, how is your mother?"

"Yeah, 'Dog', just 'Dog'. I'm a working dog and my farmer is not the sentimental type. . ."

'I can see why you have a stomach ache. The homework you ate was an F paper.'

"It's where I grew up, Diane. A sleepy little town where everybody knows what everybody else is doing, and blogs about it 24/7!"