Domestic Gourmet Gifts

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

'Hey, I enjoyed that meal. Did you get the caterers in, or something?'

'Darling, I realized that you didn't enjoy your dinner by the third page.'

"Don't worry...the national immigrant work stoppage does not include our kitchen."

"I don't want sex - just make me the things my wife won't cook for me."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

The wonderful world of cheese.

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

Cookbooks

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

To do before Saturday...

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"Sure, while you went out robbing folks I stayed here and made a nice quiche, and just to prove I'm not a sissy I made it with mountain lion instead of ham."

The Main Types of Cheese

Too much cilantro

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.