Domestic Gourmet T-Shirts

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

'Hey, I enjoyed that meal. Did you get the caterers in, or something?'

'Darling, I realized that you didn't enjoy your dinner by the third page.'

"Don't worry...the national immigrant work stoppage does not include our kitchen."

"I don't want sex - just make me the things my wife won't cook for me."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

The wonderful world of cheese.

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

Cookbooks

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

French wine

"Sure, while you went out robbing folks I stayed here and made a nice quiche, and just to prove I'm not a sissy I made it with mountain lion instead of ham."

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"