Domestic Discord Explorer Gifts

"Why are there hoofprints on the toilet seat?"

Cellphone Islands

'She'll never look for me here.'

"Yes, I'm alone."

"Sorry? I wasn't listening."

I'm here to update your census form. Since you mailed the form in, have any of your children moved back in with you?

"There's a house-plant round here somewhere."

The bankruptcy sale at the Entropy Institute was going to more difficult than Dave thought it'd be.

"It's funny how that works. It doesn't matter where I am in the house... I can always tell when the novel isn't going well."

Kingfisher feeding from a water lamp.

"You'll do anything to get out of taking out the garbage."

Working from home.

"It's all right dear, it only seems what it is."

"I tried working at home, but my wife didn't like me performing colonoscopies in the dining room."

'Dear, would it be all right if I was assertive for a minute?'

Stay at Home Yellowstone.

'Darling - have I ever told you how much you love me. . .?'

"Lift your stems."

"Did he sleep through the night again?"

The Side Effect of Self-Awareness

The Lonesome Highway - Next 30 Miles No Shoulder to cry on.

"I said, I had the cat declawed."

"Is there anything else I can do wrong for you?"

'Did you mess with the thermostat again?'

No Man is an Island

Interior Monologuist

When they said more people were choosing to holiday at home I think they meant in the UK

"... starts Friday at a theatre near you."

Chat Bot

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Housekeeping - No. III

A*se End of Nowhere POPULATION: YOU

Man on Desert Island reads about himself.

A "balanced diet" means balancing what's left to cook with what's clean enough to cook it in.

We never go out anymore.

Very rarely are we as harsh to colleagues as we are to ourselves.