Domestic Chaos Navigator Gifts

"It's funny how that works. It doesn't matter where I am in the house... I can always tell when the novel isn't going well."

"Oh, no, I forgot to shred the toilet paper!"

"Did he sleep through the night again?"

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Housekeeping - No. III

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

Tired Barbie

How to correctly estimate cooking time

'How do you know I won't shrink if I didn't come with a washing instructions tag?'

'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

'You got him here before the tardy bell, Mrs. Bates, but I'm not sure he's prepared to learn.'

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

"Not cool washing sheep in the dishwasher people!"

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'

Coping during the 6 weeks school holidays.

Reason #149 for making sure the whole family wears seat belts: It helps keep the kids quiet.

"I'm running a loose ship."

Working from home.

"It's all right dear, it only seems what it is."

"Please wait while I load up software you'll never use and stick random icons all over the place."

'Dear, would it be all right if I was assertive for a minute?'

"I've been a mess since Jake left for college, so now we have a boy who comes in a couple of times a week to leave wet towels all over and challenge everything I say."

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Housekeeping - No. II

'I don't think he'll be having a party next year - I heard his mother scream 'Never again'.'

'You must excuse us. Things are a bit upside-down at the moment.'

These colours haven't just run. They've sprinted!

"Found it! The cat was using it as a pillow."

"Getting a puppy isn't so bad once you drink."

Dad reaching into medicine cupboard

"Has anyone seen my half-chewed-up piece of dehydrated squirrel carcass?"

“Putty took a wife. Her name was Possums, and she bore him Little Gentleman, Biddy Boo, Savor Tooth, Fluffy, Harry Cat, and Cesar. Then Little Gentleman begat Little Gentleman II and Friday and Tinkle Toes and Possum Tail and…”

'... and the kids are screaming and the house is a disaster, and my husband finally get gets home and says 'how was your day?'... so I bit his head off.'

'This is our home's communications center.'

Ron, I used this while you were on vacation. Please refill. Love, mother.

'Good lord, Mary! How many tranquilizers did you take?!'

"I dislike you both the same."