Domestic Chaos Fan Gifts

“Putty took a wife. Her name was Possums, and she bore him Little Gentleman, Biddy Boo, Savor Tooth, Fluffy, Harry Cat, and Cesar. Then Little Gentleman begat Little Gentleman II and Friday and Tinkle Toes and Possum Tail and…”

"Close the door woman! There's a weasel outbreak!"

Computer Room.

Family with pets.

"So last Christmas it was those Cabbage Patch Kids."

Mayhem, Inc. Part 15

"Are you sure you want to see the kitchen? The chef is naked."

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

Incorrect weather forecasts.

'What's our stockbroker doing in the shower? Quick! Run and get me a rolled up copy of the Wall Street Journal!'

"Not cool washing sheep in the dishwasher people!"

"It's funny how that works. It doesn't matter where I am in the house... I can always tell when the novel isn't going well."

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'

"It's all right dear, it only seems what it is."

RING! RING! RING!: 'Not the cell phone AGAIN!'

"It's perfectly all right. I used to do the same sort of thing when I was a little boy."

"I'm running a loose ship."

Cat attacks dog reading on a bench.

"Did he sleep through the night again?"

'Cut that out! Every time you jump in our pool, we have to refill it!'

'Please excuse the mess guys.My husband's doing a correspondence course in Embalming.'

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Housekeeping - No. II

'Try rebooting.'

'You must excuse us. Things are a bit upside-down at the moment.'

These colours haven't just run. They've sprinted!

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Housekeeping - No. III

"One day, son, all this will be....Never mind."

'... and the kids are screaming and the house is a disaster, and my husband finally get gets home and says 'how was your day?'... so I bit his head off.'

'This is our home's communications center.'

"Oh my god- the salad's on fire!"

'Don't worry, your father won't notice.'

'Daddy, the toaster has stopped working again.'

A "balanced diet" means balancing what's left to cook with what's clean enough to cook it in.

'I love what you haven't done with this place.'

"Don't you think we'll be memorable parents?"