Domestic Chaos Enthusiast Gifts

These colours haven't just run. They've sprinted!

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Housekeeping - No. II

'Can I tell you about my day? Or would you rather watch it on the evening news?'

"Gone insane. Your dinner's in a wheelbarrow on the M25."

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"I need to know who started it."

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

"I fell in the mud again. Maybe I need a stunt double."

'Hey, Mom, here comes Frankie's tailor!'

'My sales training was right. The person in the highest chair is dominant.'

"Not cool washing sheep in the dishwasher people!"

'How many kids do you actually have?'

"It's funny how that works. It doesn't matter where I am in the house... I can always tell when the novel isn't going well."

Baby with a full diaper 'Load Rage'

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'

'Found her. Keeping her.'

"Normally things don't get me down. But lately, just getting out of bed has been difficult."

"It's perfectly all right. I used to do the same sort of thing when I was a little boy."

"I'm running a loose ship."

"It's all right dear, it only seems what it is."

'Separate vacations - four of 'em!'

"Honey have you seen my phone? I can't find it anywhere...I swear I left it on the coffee table but now it's gone..."

"Did he sleep through the night again?"

'Please excuse the mess guys.My husband's doing a correspondence course in Embalming.'

'You were the one who said you'd like him to bring some of his friends home. . .'

"Family vacation is an oxymoron."

'We need another refrigerator, Mom.'

'You must excuse us. Things are a bit upside-down at the moment.'

'No more kids, Steve -- I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.'

"I thought I told you two to stop horsing around in here."

Nerve-racking Chanukah moments

'... and the kids are screaming and the house is a disaster, and my husband finally get gets home and says 'how was your day?'... so I bit his head off.'