Domestic Detailer Gifts

'You don't have to run away, dear. I will.'

"I told you to wash the car, but no..."

Kid about scratched up car to dad: 'I made a mistake washing the car with a brillo pad.'

"My pillow mania got out of control so I'm limiting myself to just one at a time."

"I told you not to polish the car too much."

'Half-time, full-time - It's gone into penalties, woman!'

Cook being told what to do by housemaid

Man has applied car wax and sees the whole car melt in the sun.

Those missing socks...where do they go?

Darlene, my intelligence tells me that your fiance is a slob. What intelligence, Rudy? Surveillance photos – dirty clothes and towels thrown on the floor. Dishes piled up in the sink. That's my Mel? How did you get those? Top-flight government spy methods. House of Java.net Cybercafe.

Rosemary's Baby Supplies

'Oh silly me, I'm trying to fix my glasses with nasel spray instead of super-glue!'

'I can use surgery to restore your sex drive. Do you want the £3000 operation or the £4000 one?' - 'I'd rather have a new kitchen.'

"Is this the first time you've put wallpaper up?"

"Sorry, but I didn't switch from unsanitary handshakes to fist bumps just to start group hugging!"

'It's so rare you'll need your own teleton.'

Bird poo decals.

"I investigated your husband, Mrs Adams. He isn't cheating on you. In fact, I'm your husband. We've just really lost touch recently."

"There's food in the fridge, and clues about the state of our marriage all around the house."

'In another universe parallel to our own.'

'Three words, Corporal: 'Advanced military technology',,, Relax,'

"I can smell his fear of commitment."

Car Vacuum

'I don't suppose you fellows know who did that to my car ...'

"All I said was, 'I'll take out the garbage when I'm ready'."

'I see you have been mopping the floor while I was out. Are you doing this to be nice or disposing of evidence?' 'Why can't it be both?'

'This is a list of all the things you need to do around the house when you get your parole.'

'It's my climbing the walls installation!'

'How do you turn off the water if all of the handles are broken.'

"Where's the nutrition label?!"

'...and get some of that kitchen cleaner that kills molds and fungus.'

"We finally caught the person who's been cloning you credit cards sir...Turns out it's your wife."

The plot thickens. Say, what's this sock I lost in the dryer doing in the dishwasher?

"Dress code around the house is smart casual, not fundamentalist chic!"

"I hope you have a good explanation."