Domestic Detailer Pillows

'You don't have to run away, dear. I will.'

"I told you to wash the car, but no..."

"My pillow mania got out of control so I'm limiting myself to just one at a time."

Cook being told what to do by housemaid

'Half-time, full-time - It's gone into penalties, woman!'

Man has applied car wax and sees the whole car melt in the sun.

"I told you not to polish the car too much."

Those missing socks...where do they go?

Rosemary's Baby Supplies

'Oh silly me, I'm trying to fix my glasses with nasel spray instead of super-glue!'

'I can use surgery to restore your sex drive. Do you want the £3000 operation or the £4000 one?' - 'I'd rather have a new kitchen.'

"Is this the first time you've put wallpaper up?"

"Sorry, but I didn't switch from unsanitary handshakes to fist bumps just to start group hugging!"

'It's so rare you'll need your own teleton.'

"There's food in the fridge, and clues about the state of our marriage all around the house."

'In another universe parallel to our own.'

'Three words, Corporal: 'Advanced military technology',,, Relax,'

"I can smell his fear of commitment."

Car Vacuum

'I don't suppose you fellows know who did that to my car ...'

"All I said was, 'I'll take out the garbage when I'm ready'."

'I see you have been mopping the floor while I was out. Are you doing this to be nice or disposing of evidence?' 'Why can't it be both?'

'It's my climbing the walls installation!'

'This is a list of all the things you need to do around the house when you get your parole.'

'How do you turn off the water if all of the handles are broken.'

"Really looks like they could use a miracle about now sir!"

'...and get some of that kitchen cleaner that kills molds and fungus.'

"We finally caught the person who's been cloning you credit cards sir...Turns out it's your wife."

Buffing Cars.

"Where's the nutrition label?!"

"Dress code around the house is smart casual, not fundamentalist chic!"