Dog Jokester Pillows

'Harland, we want a divorce.'

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"He's no hat and all corgis."

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"Yeah, I don't like this part either."

'I said 'barium,' not 'bury him'!'

"Now turn your head and bark."

"Pssst. Fake poop."

"There are those who say I'm a throwback to Monet."

"Sometimes Bob wags when he's happy—but these days, it usually means he just tooted."

"I did, boss, I swear, I buried him myself."

"Well, there goes your theory of him thinking of you as his pack leader."

Phoning a Busy Sheep: 'Sorry I can't get to the phone right now, please make an animal noise after the bleat!'

"Look, Mommy. Puppy already knows a trick! What should we call him?" "How about 'Scooter.'"

'Trouble is, he rubbed my nose in it'

Cleaning the Horse

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

"She never took to the leash."

"My human can't tell which end is which."

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

'I'm afraid you're just going to have to accept that dogs just don't like you.'

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"Gas was passed, you get the blame, that's the system."

"He wasn't quite dark enough to name 'midnight' so I named him ten o'clock."

Employees Must Lick Themselves Before Returning to Work.

House with 'Dog For Sale' sign. Cat walks by holding 'Good Riddance' sign.

'You'd better come in while I phone the mail order bride company and tell them there's been a mistake.'

"So the vet says, 'If this is my thermometer, then where's my pen?' . . . Get it!? . . . IS this thing on!?"

'What's this?' - 'Your sealed orders, not to be opened till 7 furlongs.'

'If Michelangelo Was a Cartoonist.'

'When I'm in the saddle I'm part of the horse.' - 'Yes, but which part?'

'I've decided it's worth forsaking my reputation as man's best friend for this opportunity to tell you I've always hated you with a passion.'

'It's a shaggy dog storey.'