Animal Jokesters Pillows

'Yeah, hi, Bob...when you asked me to pop in and feet Spot, I was kind of under the impression he was a dog!'

'Now you know why I piddle in his water dish.'

Dog spelled backward is GOD, cat is TAC, a pain in the butt.

'Ok Phil, you can stop the trash talk now!'

"Lose those fantasies of exacting vengeance from the afterlife. Our best hope is a mild case of salmonella."

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

'Jurassic Pork.'

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

"Yes, one is a dog."

Hats and Food

"Scuba cow"

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

"Grass-cream! Thanks Mum!"

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

No jay walking.

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

"Toadstool you say? No, this is snailstool now!"

"Did you know he'd joined a squirrel watchers club?"

"I think I'm beginning to embrace humiliation."

"You might want to start bringing more carrots home, dear. I think I have an ingrown hare."

"Will you stop telling me to feed the Zebras? We just ate the zebras!"

'Bird Watching is fun, but it tends to make me salivate...'

Northeastern Deer/Southwestern Deer

'Settle an argument. Which is better incessant barking or meowing?'

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"

"All you're doing is emboldening cats."

'Cat job interviews.'