Canine Jokester Pillows

'We're half way through teaching her to roll over.'

'Hi, my name's Bernard and I'm an alcoholic...'

'Oh no - what's between you and the neighbors this time?'

"Well, there goes your theory of him thinking of you as his pack leader."

Dog Hunting Trophies.

I've found you can say anything you like to them, as long as you're wagging your tail.

'I said 'barium,' not 'bury him'!'

'You've got restless wag syndrome.'

"Ugh—someone in the group chat must have seen a squirrel."

"Yeah well, now that we're married, he's not making any effort: he hasn't been to a grooming appointment in months!"

'There's so much I want to do with my life...before I reach the age of criminal responsibility, that is.'

"I need a hip replacement but I believe they're looking at a dog replacement."

Dogs texting each other emojis

Phoning a Busy Sheep: 'Sorry I can't get to the phone right now, please make an animal noise after the bleat!'

Cleaning the Horse

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

Select a song: Another Dog Barking. Lots of Other Dogs Barking. Howling. Siren. Doorbell. Dog Karaoke.

Athen's Theater. "Oedipus Rex" didn't test well as a title, Sophocles. How would you feel about calling it "My Big Fat Greek Tragedy"?

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

Dog leaving operating theatre in a hurry with a bone in his mouth

"No, honest, I just sat on a squeaky toy."

"You're the first dog I've introduced to my parents. I know they're gonna love you."

'To err is human. To really mess up, we've got to do some planning.'

'Well if sixty is the new fifty and forty is the new thirty then yes,twenty must be the new ten...'

"I guess we're kind of the Marsalis Family in reverse

'What's this?' - 'Your sealed orders, not to be opened till 7 furlongs.'

'Why does this crazy human keep throwing away my stick?'

"That movie was released in 2015. It might be time for a reboot."

"So that there are no more distractions, whoever has the phone with the squeaky toy ring tone..."

'No I'm going to do this one standing.

"What is it about my being a dog that makes you uncomfortable?"

'When I'm in the saddle I'm part of the horse.' - 'Yes, but which part?'

'When did you teach him to play dead?'

'Best friend? I hardly know the man!'

'If Michelangelo Was a Cartoonist.'