Puppy Jokester Pillows

'And around here, Oscar, sniffing the boss's backside is not necessarily seen as a bad thing.'

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

'I said 'barium,' not 'bury him'!'

"C'mon, you can do this! Be the sock!"

Walking the dog - 'surprise'!

'Sit, Rollover, Heel'

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'

"And always remember...If you're going to be sick, always do it on the carpet. It's more absorbent."

'There's so much I want to do with my life...before I reach the age of criminal responsibility, that is.'

"In obedience school, I was voted 'Most likely to chew a slipper'."

Phoning a Busy Sheep: 'Sorry I can't get to the phone right now, please make an animal noise after the bleat!'

"Well, there goes your theory of him thinking of you as his pack leader."

Cleaning the Horse

Cookie Thief

'Okay, okay. On second thought, maybe going on a diet isn't necessary.'

He Did It!

"Did you or did you not perform the fake ball toss on my client, causing irreparable humiliation?"

"It was humiliating! First, he told me to beg and then he wanted me to roll over and pretend I was dead...so, I bit him!"

Hang Time Fido

"Yes, I'm talking to you. I believe you're the only Sparky in the house."

'To err is human. To really mess up, we've got to do some planning.'

'Well if sixty is the new fifty and forty is the new thirty then yes,twenty must be the new ten...'

"I guess we're kind of the Marsalis Family in reverse

'Hi, my name's Bernard and I'm an alcoholic...'

'I'm teaching him to give me a doggie treat when I stay perfectly still...'

'What's this?' - 'Your sealed orders, not to be opened till 7 furlongs.'

Ignore him he's just showing off

"Stay!"

'When I'm in the saddle I'm part of the horse.' - 'Yes, but which part?'

'Oh, isn't he clever? He's brought you your slippers.'

"I'm sure this is an interesting story."

"I have no skills. . . only tricks."

"Uh-oh, Randy's sniffing and walking quickly in circles...This might be a good time for us all to take a short potty break."