Animal Jokers Pillows

'Okay,what happened? Who gave you a White eye?'

"This is a letter from your teacher. Are you seriously eating your own homework?"

"Yeah, I don't like this part either."

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

'You've got restless wag syndrome.'

'Um. . . I don't think that's a candy bar.'

"Okay, which one of you called me CANDYASS?!"

Phoning a Busy Sheep: 'Sorry I can't get to the phone right now, please make an animal noise after the bleat!'

"Well, there goes your theory of him thinking of you as his pack leader."

"The good news is, the side effects of your nut allergy aren't really dangerous."

Seriously, try leaving them out for a day. They're delicious al dente!

'Looks like the deer are moving out of these woods.'

Outback rat house? Darn ! Wish you guys would've said somethin' sooner. I just ate a hop pocket.

'Man, I can't believe we didn't think of this before.'

How to scare cats.

A man squashed by a giant leaf

'You sure picked a great place to have kittens.'

House with 'Dog For Sale' sign. Cat walks by holding 'Good Riddance' sign.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

'When did you teach him to play dead?'

'Hi, my name's Bernard and I'm an alcoholic...'

Groucho Chicken

'She's no ladybird Stan...' - Ladybird says 'bum...bottom.'

"You know, your poker face is useless if you keep wagging your tail."

'I happened to swallow a bottle of rogaine!'

"Me? A couple a' drinks and I thought the cat was a squeaky toy..."

"Let's see if we can't scatter the trash all over his desktop."

Cut down your own tree.

'Yeah, hi, Bob...when you asked me to pop in and feet Spot, I was kind of under the impression he was a dog!'

'The Zoo just ain't what it used to be!'

Dog spelled backward is GOD, cat is TAC, a pain in the butt.

"Have you ever wondered if there's more to life than this..?"

'It was just a matter of time, old cowpuncher, 'til one of them punched back.'

101 uses of a dead cat: chaps.

"I've got a dog licence. Will that do?"