Dog Jokers Pillows

"Yeah, I don't like this part either."

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

"Well, there goes your theory of him thinking of you as his pack leader."

Boomerang fetching

'When did the treadmill replace the rat race?'

"At least you made it into the hallway."

Outback rat house? Darn ! Wish you guys would've said somethin' sooner. I just ate a hop pocket.

"The 'Ex' huh?"

"Who's my good widdoo headless dog?"

'You sure picked a great place to have kittens.'

House with 'Dog For Sale' sign. Cat walks by holding 'Good Riddance' sign.

'I know I should be thankful I have a good home, but if he talks baby talk to me one more time, I swear I'll go for his throat.'

"On my right is Mr. Darius, who'll fill you in on our corporate counterculture."

'Hi, my name's Bernard and I'm an alcoholic...'

'It's a shaggy dog storey.'

'When did you teach him to play dead?'

"You know, your poker face is useless if you keep wagging your tail."

"Let's see if we can't scatter the trash all over his desktop."

'Yeah, hi, Bob...when you asked me to pop in and feet Spot, I was kind of under the impression he was a dog!'

'Harland, we want a divorce.'

Kid to dad about pet door on fishbowl: 'It's a dogfish.'

'I think I'll walk to work today.'

"This is a letter from your teacher. Are you seriously eating your own homework?"

"Lose those fantasies of exacting vengeance from the afterlife. Our best hope is a mild case of salmonella."

"I've got a dog licence. Will that do?"

'Ok Phil, you can stop the trash talk now!'

Dog spelled backward is GOD, cat is TAC, a pain in the butt.

'We're half way through teaching her to roll over.'

'Ill have the salad. But could I have it made out of chocolate?'

'Now you know why I piddle in his water dish.'

Death Goes For A Jog

'Is he house-broken?'