Dog Jokers Pillows

"Yeah, I don't like this part either."

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

'His 5 hour energy drink timed out. If only he had taken it 3 seconds later.'

"Well, there goes your theory of him thinking of you as his pack leader."

National Optometrists Association. O.K., whose idea was it to form a focus group?…

Outback rat house? Darn ! Wish you guys would've said somethin' sooner. I just ate a hop pocket.

'When did the treadmill replace the rat race?'

"The 'Ex' huh?"

Boomerang fetching

"At least you made it into the hallway."

"Who's my good widdoo headless dog?"

'You sure picked a great place to have kittens.'

House with 'Dog For Sale' sign. Cat walks by holding 'Good Riddance' sign.

'I know I should be thankful I have a good home, but if he talks baby talk to me one more time, I swear I'll go for his throat.'

"On my right is Mr. Darius, who'll fill you in on our corporate counterculture."

"Let's see if we can't scatter the trash all over his desktop."

"You know, your poker face is useless if you keep wagging your tail."

'It's a shaggy dog storey.'

'Hi, my name's Bernard and I'm an alcoholic...'

'When did you teach him to play dead?'

'Yeah, hi, Bob...when you asked me to pop in and feet Spot, I was kind of under the impression he was a dog!'

'Harland, we want a divorce.'

"This is a letter from your teacher. Are you seriously eating your own homework?"

Kid to dad about pet door on fishbowl: 'It's a dogfish.'

Dog spelled backward is GOD, cat is TAC, a pain in the butt.

'Ok Phil, you can stop the trash talk now!'

"I've got a dog licence. Will that do?"

"Lose those fantasies of exacting vengeance from the afterlife. Our best hope is a mild case of salmonella."

'Dennis, have you seen my can of Pam?'

'I think I'll walk to work today.'

'We're half way through teaching her to roll over.'

'Is he house-broken?'

'Now you know why I piddle in his water dish.'

Literal Following of Directions: RUN