Canine Joker Pillows

"Let's see if we can't scatter the trash all over his desktop."

"You know, your poker face is useless if you keep wagging your tail."

"I've got a dog licence. Will that do?"

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

Banana Split...

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

"Yeah, I don't like this part either."

"Is it true Dad...is the Earth really made of bleu cheese?"

"Pssst. Fake poop."

'This seashell does not sound like the ocean... It sounds like someone yelling 'Look out!''

Jogging Bottoms

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

Farmer chasing alien leaving crop circles.

'Did you check the glove compartment? -- maybe you left the keys in there.'

"Of course you can't put your finger on it. It's a hypothetical particle."

Pole Star

"I'm thinking about letting myself get old."

'Geez, I hate these fun runs!'

'The doctor is running a little late this morning; but a couple more laps around the park and he should be back at his desk.'

Astronaut sees cell tower on the moon.

'I've met you before...I'm not good with names, but I never forget a pace!'

"Your next pilgrimage must be to a bodega for milk."

"Harold, stop sucking in your stomach when the girls walk by. You're going to hurt yourself."

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

A pony throws its rider.

Phoning a Busy Sheep: 'Sorry I can't get to the phone right now, please make an animal noise after the bleat!'

"Introducing the Schultzaccino. Neither tea nor coffee."

"Well, there goes your theory of him thinking of you as his pack leader."

"I've been telling everyone how athletic you are."

'There are two types of cholesterol - the good type, then the one you've got.'

Climbing to the moon

"And on the seventh day, God 'choked,' and all hell broke loose."

"You are hereby sentenced to one year of swimming with the people."

"Dad, if there's a plot to the universe, can you see any spoilers?"