Canine Joker Gifts

"Let's see if we can't scatter the trash all over his desktop."

"You know, your poker face is useless if you keep wagging your tail."

"I've got a dog licence. Will that do?"

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

The difference between cosmology and cosmetology.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

Banana Split...

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

"Yeah, I don't like this part either."

"Is it true Dad...is the Earth really made of bleu cheese?"

'This seashell does not sound like the ocean... It sounds like someone yelling 'Look out!''

"Pssst. Fake poop."

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

Jogging Bottoms

'You've got restless wag syndrome.'

Pole Star

Farmer chasing alien leaving crop circles.

"Of course you can't put your finger on it. It's a hypothetical particle."

'Did you check the glove compartment? -- maybe you left the keys in there.'

"I'm thinking about letting myself get old."

'Geez, I hate these fun runs!'

'I've met you before...I'm not good with names, but I never forget a pace!'

Astronaut sees cell tower on the moon.

'The doctor is running a little late this morning; but a couple more laps around the park and he should be back at his desk.'

"Your next pilgrimage must be to a bodega for milk."

"Harold, stop sucking in your stomach when the girls walk by. You're going to hurt yourself."

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

A pony throws its rider.

Climbing to the moon

"Dad, if there's a plot to the universe, can you see any spoilers?"

Adult Absence Notes.

Phoning a Busy Sheep: 'Sorry I can't get to the phone right now, please make an animal noise after the bleat!'

"Introducing the Schultzaccino. Neither tea nor coffee."

"And on the seventh day, God 'choked,' and all hell broke loose."

'There are two types of cholesterol - the good type, then the one you've got.'