Dog Jokester Gifts

'Harland, we want a divorce.'

"He's no hat and all corgis."

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"Yeah, I don't like this part either."

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

'I'd like to return this, please.'

I've found you can say anything you like to them, as long as you're wagging your tail.

'I said 'barium,' not 'bury him'!'

"Now turn your head and bark."

"Pssst. Fake poop."

'You've got restless wag syndrome.'

"Sometimes Bob wags when he's happy—but these days, it usually means he just tooted."

"I did, boss, I swear, I buried him myself."

"There are those who say I'm a throwback to Monet."

'Trouble is, he rubbed my nose in it'

Phoning a Busy Sheep: 'Sorry I can't get to the phone right now, please make an animal noise after the bleat!'

"Well, there goes your theory of him thinking of you as his pack leader."

"Look, Mommy. Puppy already knows a trick! What should we call him?" "How about 'Scooter.'"

Cleaning the Horse

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

"She never took to the leash."

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

"My human can't tell which end is which."

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

'I'm afraid you're just going to have to accept that dogs just don't like you.'

Employees Must Lick Themselves Before Returning to Work.

"Gas was passed, you get the blame, that's the system."

House with 'Dog For Sale' sign. Cat walks by holding 'Good Riddance' sign.

"He wasn't quite dark enough to name 'midnight' so I named him ten o'clock."

'When I'm in the saddle I'm part of the horse.' - 'Yes, but which part?'

'What's this?' - 'Your sealed orders, not to be opened till 7 furlongs.'

'You'd better come in while I phone the mail order bride company and tell them there's been a mistake.'

'If Michelangelo Was a Cartoonist.'

'I've decided it's worth forsaking my reputation as man's best friend for this opportunity to tell you I've always hated you with a passion.'

"So the vet says, 'If this is my thermometer, then where's my pen?' . . . Get it!? . . . IS this thing on!?"